Saying Goodbye: Helping to Bring Peace on the Hardest Day
When I tell people that I’m a veterinarian, this is a common response that I hear: “I used to want to be a vet, but I realized that I could never put an animal down. It’s too sad.” Yes, it is sad. It is the hardest day as a pet owner to say goodbye to your beloved family member. But it is also sometimes the last loving kindness that we can give, so I view it as a blessing in veterinary medicine. Although it is the hardest day, I’m very passionate about making it as peaceful as possible for everyone involved. Today, as a veterinarian, I’m going to share with you what that process looks like from my perspective.
How do you know when it’s “time”?
This is sometimes an easy answer, but changes can also be very gradual. For the not so obvious cases, I like to give people what I call the “Quality of Life Checklist” talk: Write down 5 things that your pet loves to do every single day. Even if it’s just eating food, it can be on the list. Use this as a daily checklist. When your pet is no longer wanting to do a majority of the things on this list (at least 3 out of 5), that’s when we need to reassess if the pet is truly enjoying life anymore. If a more extensive evaluation is requested, I recommend using the “Quality of Life Scale” from The Ohio State University. This scale will actually pop out a score at the end of it so that you can have a quantitative number of your pet’s quality of life. When this assessment is repeated, it can be easier to see the gradual changes as that number starts to dwindle. No matter what though, you are going to know your pet best. The aforementioned tools can help guide you if you need them, but most families are very aware of when their pet is tired, hurting, and ready to rest.
The day has come—the dreaded day that none of us want to go through.
We all have the same goal: To help your pet not hurt anymore. This could be achieved through trying treatments or laying them to rest. If love could keep them alive, they would live forever. But here we are. Sometimes we come to the decision together (“If it was your pet, what would you do?”). Ultimately though, it is your decision to say goodbye today.
I will first ask if this is a process you’ve been through before. Even if you have, I will walk you through our steps so that you feel prepared for today. We will talk about options for remains – Whether you want home burial or cremation services. We will settle all of the paperwork and payment before moving forward so that you can just focus on your beloved pet at the end. We will make our staff aware that we are saying goodbye so that we can be quiet and respectful. Some hospitals will have a light at the reception desk that indicates this to other clients as well. Some hospitals will also have a dedicated comfort room with couches, blankets, and softer lighting so that your last moments together are in a warmer environment. I will ask you if you wish to be present for the entire process. This will be different for everyone. Some want to be there for all of it, and some will stay only until we reach a certain point. These are your last moments together, and you get to decide what that looks like for you personally. We will not judge you for this decision. If it is too hard for you to stay until the very end, we will assure you that your pet will never be alone because we will be with them.
In most cases, we will continue by placing an intravenous catheter and then letting you spend as much time as you want with your pet before moving forward. We will come in with several syringes. I will tell you that you can be anywhere you want, just as long as I have access to that catheter. This can include hugging your pet or holding them in your arms if you so choose. During this part, I will do a lot of “signposting”. This means that I will be speaking my steps out loud so that there is clarity for everyone. First, I will flush the catheter to make sure that everything is flowing well. Then, I will inject a sedative medication to help your pet fall asleep and no longer worry about anything. I will flush the catheter again. When your pet is ready and you are ready, I will then inject the final medication to help them pass away. After this final injection, they may take some big breaths, have some muscle twitching, or lose control of their urine or bowels. These are all normal parts of the process as the energy is leaving their body. I will listen to their heart with my stethoscope to let you know when they have passed. It is a true honor for me to hear a beloved pet’s final heartbeats on this earth, and I never take that lightly.
The hardest part has happened, and now the grief comes.
Grief is so difficult, but it is so healthy. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to try to bottle up what you’re feeling inside. Never be ashamed of crying. Though we have to maintain our professionalism, we will sometimes cry with you. It can be through empathy, but it can also be through our own personal feelings toward your pet. I’ve told a client before, “They’re our babies too”, as we’ve also known and loved some of these pets for years. One thing that I love to ask is if you have a favorite memory of your pet so that we can remember them in some of their best moments.
We will prepare your pet’s remains, sometimes also collecting ink paw/nose prints and fur clippings for you if requested. You will go home. We will write you a sympathy card. And for me personally, I will end with a prayer:
“Dear Lord, I want to pray for the family of this pet. I pray for a healthy grieving process. I pray that they are at peace with the fact that their pet can no longer suffer. I pray that they are also at peace with the fact that You are taking care of them on the Rainbow Bridge until it’s time for them to meet again.”
There’s no getting around the fact that this is the hardest day as a pet owner. I always hope that as a veterinary community, we are doing our best to honor your pet’s life.